“I Jack, the pumpkin king…..” I’m using this quote because it’s the same quote I wrote a year ago. It’s actually a year ago Wednesday but since I didn’t write a year ago today you get this quote. Anywho…I was reading my xanga’s from eons (feels like it) ago and I was like “wow!” I wrote down every littlt thing that I did. I kinda miss that. And ya know what. We never commented on each others sites. Weird, hunh? Now if somebody doesn’t comment it’s all like “why didn’t anybody comment on my site?” READ THE WHOLE POST!
Anywho again last year about this time I had gone up to Indiana so my dad could get the blue pick up truck. Can you believe it’s been a year? I sure can’t. I was reading my entry and I was just smiling because I remember everything like it was yesterday. I even remember the movie we were watching that I fell asleep to(look at the entry). At the end I was talking about wrestling and how many tapes I got. After just seeing Wrestlemania 21 it makes me feel like getting those tapes back out and watching them…..I think I will. I know Andrew likes them even if nobody else does!!
So what’s up with me today?? You may ask. Maybe your not. Who knows? I don’t so I’ll just write like you do. Last night was our “young adult” bible study. It really rocks. It’s good to have somewhere to grow and learn……. besides services at church. We were talking about decisions and how God fits into all of it. We were talking about indecision and commitment. It was good because for the past few weeks I have been having the hardest time with the word: commitment.
Ever since I broke up with Andres I’ve felt weird about that word. Like if I can’t even commit to a relationship for a few years, how am I going to make a relationship last for the rest of my life?? I’m really scared about that. (It’s not like I’m going to get married tomorrow but still…) I don’t know why. Every day I have to remind myself to take it slow with that word. Like I say when I wake up “you have to wake up, you have a commitment to be at Javiers.” When I’m at Javiers and I take Kiara outside I have to say “you have a commitment to wipe off Ra-Ra’s feet.” I’m taking baby steps; it feels like.
Another thing is indecision. I am always undecided unless I feel really passionate about it. I guess I don’t feel so passionate about alot of what I do. Don’t read this wrong. I LOVE my job, I LOVE God (not in that order) and I LOVE my friends. For example, quite a few people have said to me that I should find a “real” job. To me this is a real job. I love Mady and Taylar and yeah, sometimes I wish I was making big bucks, but honestly what kind of job would I be doing to get that? Probaly something that I didn’t like to do at all. I don’t know how to explain what’s in my head. It’s all jumbles up in there. I have a point but I don’t think it’s come out yet. If it has and you understand it, thank you! If not, sorry but my head hurts from thinking!!
I hope you guys are still reading this!! This is something I am really passionate about: you guys. I was talking to someone yesterday and we were really having a great discussion about the youth group. We have such hopes for you guys! I’ve heard some of you talk about how you think that the youth group is falling apart and it’s going down hill. Just thinking about that makes me want to lash out at everybody and get quite angry!! (You have no idea how hard it is not to say something I’ll regret later!) So back to you guys: If you think the youth group is going down hill because only like thirty people come then I want you to know that YOU GUYS can make it different. You all go to a school (minus Nils and Brock) and you all have friends out there who aren’t Christians, right? Well, then invite them to come to church. If I were in school, you better believe I’d be inviting kids to come. When I was in Jr. High our youth group was awesome because we really reached out to kids in our neighborhoods. (not to make myself some kind of super human or anything!) I want you guys to invite people and for those of you who have and those people don’t come: Just keep praying for them and invite some more kids!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? If not, you guys have some mega issues. We should set another goal for you guys! I know it wouldn’t be cool to see my hair change colors because you’ve all seen it in every shade imaginable (remember the lime green?). Anywho guys, think about it and get back to me about it!
I love you ALL